The Snafued Sacrosanct

last post here. new blog.

2005-09-12T16:49:00.000+08:00

so over him.
so over it.
so over this.

im moving 4 real. this is my last post here.
add me up at my new blog : http://i-love-sporks.blogspot.com

time to pack up again and move,
wham, bam, thank u ma'am,
marly

2005-09-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

its hard.

2005-09-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

Marlene, u brilliant brilliant fool.
mucking things up again with your words
and rash assumptions.

no it was absolutely impossible 4 him 2 really like me
cos he was a guy
and he didnt noe me
god y am i such an idiot sumtimes?
and now everything is gone
i totally threw the friendship away
and i spat on it
and i dug my own grave
and he probably cant even stand the sight of me now
he probably thinks im a lil itty bitty whore
he probably hates me
i cant blame him
cos id hate me too if i were him!
why do i feel so shit?
why do i actually care about what hes feeling?
why cant i just not care?
god y am i so afraid he'll never talk 2 me again?
y am i so dependant on him?
y am i so weak and measely and pathetic that it just scares me tt he'll never think of me the same way and that he really meant it when he said its over and he didnt give a shit abt me. y did my heart just skip a beat and y did i wanna cry like a little stupid little girl?

god more mess.
more confusion.
more destruction by me.
y couldnt i just tell him tt i kinda liked him too
y couldnt i just put my self aside and tell him tt i think abt him alot too.
god i hate myself so much right now
i cant even look at myself or think abt myself
i just cant.

i just want him 2 come online again and talk 2 me and let everything just go back 2 how it was before i opened up my big mouth and before i took 4 granted tt he actually cared abt me.
ugh. ugh ugh. marlene u deserve more than a mental head slap 4 this one.
i deserve the whole abusive enchilada.

its hard 2 b anorexic when ur a pig,
its hard 2 b a girl when ur me,
marly

pics frm today

2005-09-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

kinky ronald mcdonald

2005-09-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

went out with riane, kirstin, hari and niki today
had such a blast
we made out with ronald mcdonald! except kirstin lol
such a sexy beast he is!
lol and they taught me how 2 spit.
so awesome lol
we spent the entire day in laughing fits and spazs.
so many pics. all on my webshots. u guys go have a lk, my username is marloosh.
we tried on sum funky hats. oh the kink!

2005-09-10T12:01:00.000+08:00

take my quiz and see how well u noe me.
http://www.bebo.com/inviteq/2593404a551139498b

2005-09-09T18:01:00.000+08:00

WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE!
so over yesterday
yesterday was a girly day
its still confusing
but im happy
got kicked in the ankle during rugby
not very funny considering my ankle is pink. and swollen.
got dinner 2nite with godma eliza and john.
ugh ugh ugh.
boringness

my ear smells pretty so im told.

stupid swedish whores,
marly

childhood games

2005-09-08T18:31:00.000+08:00

What on earth am i supposed 2 do with ur sad lil puppy dog looks?
what do u want 2 me 2 do?
im so sick of em
im so sick of tryin 2 comprehend y ur looking at me in class when i noe u dont want me anymore.
ugh im so tired of this lil sick twisted mary go round.
i got off a long time ago
sumtimes i even wonder if was ever on it
or maybe u were jus riding it alone?
yet with all ur lil misleading looks which r so often interpreted as "i miss u" im sucked in
and i just want out.
i have so much more calling 4 me
but im stuck and i hate stuck
stuck is just as obscene as normal or average or what we were.
i just wanna make u disappear
i wanna bake u in an oven with betty crocker icing and send u 2 iraq or sumwhere with starving kids.
god im so delusional
im such a mess
i annoy me
i cant imagine how many more ppl i annoy if i cant even stand me.

stop apoligizing, i hope u choke and die.

lists

2005-09-07T20:49:00.000+08:00

im doing what i hate most
im gonna make a list

10 things ive thought abt in the last 5 mins:
1)josh
2)josh's list
3)calorie intake
4)hott danish boy i noe... hehehe
5)ron's wood
6)playhouse disney
7)"him" (gah i dont like thinking abt him)
8)josh's list (no this aint anything kinky its really a list)
9)toast
10)josh (i talk 2 him 2 much)

11 songs i like:
1)bloody valentine by gc
2)criminal by fiona apple
3)only hope - mandy moore (its 4 my girly moments)
4)son of a preacher man - janis joplin
5)leaving on a jet plane - john denver
6)Will you still love me tomorrow - plain white t's
7)helena - my chemical romance
8)hey there delilah - plain white t's
9)bleed like me - garbage
10) untitled - simple plan
11) wake me up when september ends - greenday

9 things people have said that stuck with me:
1) so i have you for the whole night then?
2) i love u.
3) i cant get u outta my head (it was more of the way he said it and the intense lk in his eyes)
4) im canadian
5) one day u'll wake up and realize u have nuthing 2 depend on but ur looks
6) i would have never done that to you
7) y are you doing this 2 urself? im worried abt u
8) just tell her that u miss her.
9) you are so fat.

8 things i say 2 myself everyday:
1)fat!!!
2)doh?!
3)god that was embarassing.
4)food is evil.. food is bad.
5)i wonder what hes thinking abt?
6)ooooo!!!
7)i wonder how many calories this burns?
8)stupid ho.

7 things i find very amusing:
1)sorhan (my danish boy)
2)josh
3)playhouse disney
4)dora the explorer
5)frau mayzerack's poofy hair
6)niki's obsessions
7)the size of my wrists

6 things i do when i wake up:
1)weigh myself
2)shower
3)figure out how 2 match my underwear
4)brush my teeth
5)hope to god my day doesnt suck
6)jump arnd in circles

5 people i depend on:
1)lubna
2)kirstin
3)hari
4)sofia
5)serena

4 things i say very often:
1)whatever floats ur boat
2)guten aloha/guten hello/guten bonjourno/olah
3)blob
4)gahhh

3 men i find irresistable:
1)JOHNNY DEPP
2)collin farrell
3)chad micheal murray

2 bad habits i have:
1)i never stop fidgetting
2)i never stop smiling especially when i feel awkward which makes me pretty damn fake

1 thing that means the most to me:
1)my lil secrets.

2005-09-07T20:22:00.000+08:00

life is a nightmare
laughing doesnt really help
but it makes ppl believe.
believe what they want 2 believe.
im so normal.
hate that word.
its obscene 2 use the word normal or average
i hate the word whatever too.

dancing my ass off.
skipping down the drive.
glee.

i like u like i like the quiggles,
marly

dont question playhouse disney dammit!

obsesssion seeps in

2005-09-06T16:28:00.000+08:00

checked my BMI today.

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

my BMI is 18.3... im so close 2 being normal. i hate the word normal...ack!

instensity is an aprhodisiac.
his eyes r intense
his stares r intense
i dont like him very much
i dont like dora the explorer very much either.

winkle,tinkle, tinky right niki?
ive been jumping in circles
my heart is throbbing
my cheeks are flushed
im sweaty
and im empty
and i can hear my own pulse in my ears
and im shaking
i love this
im giddy again

i get so sad sometimes
and he makes me laugh
its so wrong tt im obsessed with so many ppl at once.

im better off everyday
when im standing in the pouring rain
i dont mind

quiz results and the brady bunch

2005-09-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

Some might call you a slut, but you just like to
have fun. There's nothing wrong with
pash-and-dash style relationships, and there's
no rule saying you should be boring and
conservative and settle for one guy. However,
something to watch out for may be your
reputation - if you ruin it now, no decent guy
will want to properly date you in the future.

Why are you still single? {for girls - many detailed outcomes+PICS!!} EDITED VERSION WITHOUT MISTAKES
brought to you by www.quizilla.com

The Godess of Seduction...you're gorgeous inside
and out and naturally draw people to you
through more than just your looks. You can
usually get what you want just by a withering
stare or a bright smile.

what godess are you? (gorgeous pictures)
brought to you by www.quizilla.com

You're Marcia, the beauty queen, that everyone's
jealous of. You're a little shallow, and you
take lots of care with your appearance- and it
all pays off because you get all the dates you
want!

Which Brady Bunch Sister Are You? (pictures)
brought to you by www.quizilla.com

sad for no reason. you just are. and you don't know
why. but you don't mind. you seem to have two
personalities....a fake happy one around people
and a real sad one when you're by yourself.
please rate!

???what kind of *sadness* are you??? ~with good pictures!~

random hims and girly moments

2005-09-04T17:05:00.000+08:00

so over what happened yesterday
hes a self absorbed, disgusting male pig
who i made the mistake of being involved with.
mistakes r part of my history
they r the foundation on which im built.

i asked him what he needed and he said you
awwww....
haha im such a girl again
i keep havin these girly moments
but tt really is just too sweet!
i wonder y im gettin all giggly by it though
i mean its happened 2 many times b4
ive had tt said to me
and im normally just like "whatever"
but this time im all giddy
I LOVE being giddy!
it rained today...
i wanted so to just run out on the streets in my PJs and dance in the rain like i did with him tt one morning.
bad memories, bad marlene

he asked me if i wouldnt talk 2 him ever again if he wasnt good looking enough 4 me
i said no cos i wasnt toying with him.
he made me think
and he still does make me think
abt myself, abt everything and every1
abt my lil vicious cycles of mind games.
gahhh....
i feel another girly moment coming on!

rain for me, baby,
marly

2005-09-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

u stupid stupid lil girl.
god ur so stupid marlene
u just r.
ur so naive
and gahhhh!
i wanna smack him gd
hes tainted it 4 me
taken the pleasure outta having sum1 b in love with me
taken the sensation out of hearing "i love u"
taken the passion frm within me
sapped the fun out of mind games
hes an asshole
y wont he just go away?
y cant i just b devoid of him?
y did we have to have the perfect fairy tale love?

2005-09-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

oh yeah kirstin is working her sexy shades!

2005-09-03T17:11:00.001+08:00

hari taking over kirstin's sexy shades!

2005-09-03T17:11:00.000+08:00

dunno what i was looking at... lol

2005-09-03T17:10:00.002+08:00

haha laughing my ass off at absolutely nuthing!

2005-09-03T17:10:00.001+08:00

me and mahima!!!!

2005-09-03T17:10:00.000+08:00

hari, me and kirstin's sexy shades yet again! we just woke up and we're hyper

2005-09-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

sofia, hari, me and kirstin's kinky shades in the morning

2005-09-03T16:59:00.000+08:00

sofia, hari, mahima and kirstin slept over at my place
we watched movies till 3 am
talked till 5 am
and got up at 10
only 2 stuff our faces with cookies, cookie dough, chocolate, cheescake, roti prata, baked beans, bacon, sausages, cream cheese with toast and much much more. im feeling the pangs of guilt now.
we took pictures ill upload em in a bit.
we had tons of fun and now me and sofia have been watchign movies since noon.. so its been gd.
gahhhh...
so i talked 2 her
and she thinks im in love with being in love or at least THINKING im in love.
its true. its an addiction
like morphine.
morphine is an addiction.
falling in love with love is an addiction.
addiction can b a gd thing rite?

2005-09-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

Had some formal dinner thing with 160 ppl
sat at a table with sum random ppl
all of em were related
all studying 2 b doctors etc.
i wore my pretty red flamingo dress with my heels.
felt all pretty and girly with my purty undies hahha
and it was nice 2 b told we were the prettiest girls in the room
haha ill b honest it was just nice having ppl gawk. ;)
im such an attention whore lol
a part of me loves getting all gussied up
u noe purty hair
and nice makeup
and frilly dresses
and sexy undies
and gorgeous perfume
JUST LOVE IT
and the other part of me finds it such a drag
especiallay when u sit there faking interest all nite
and being showed off 2 random ppl
and having 2 smile and shake hands with sweaty men
well my face just hurts frm all the fake smiles
and ive said thank u so much 2nite im about ready 2 drop dead.
but every so often its fun 2 get all pretty
:) im such a girl.... its disgusting

2005-08-31T18:46:00.000+08:00

hello my lovelies.
so i got a call from some ppl
got a shoot on the 18th.
i need 2 get in shape for that. its in like 2 wks.
i intend on being 45 kg by then.
ive lost a lil! yay! im now, by asian standards a little below the standard weight!! is tt not brilliant?! haha sry im such a loser, i get excited by it.
hope i can keep it down.

anyway dudes whats with all this lovey dovey sentimental stuff on my tagboard?
its all really sweet but its making me uncomfortable.
i dont believe in love.
and i dont think any1 is capable of truly loving me
nor am i capable of truly loving any1.

need 2 find 3 traditional ways of greeting frm other cultures
if any1 has any idea of a really cool cultural way of greeting sum1 pls lemme noe asap.

fear the sandwich man,
marly

survey

2005-08-30T18:32:00.000+08:00

theres a sadness that they dont c when u come 2 me
with ur sorrows
its not enuf 4 u 2 cry
cos u dunno y it still hurts
i noe we've been here 1000 times
with my past, full of lies - its still there
a constant struggle 2 find myself

SURVEY----

i see: fat
i feel: fat
i hear: bleed like me by garbage
im talkin to: josh, si hong and people
im doing: calorie counting
im obsessing: abt so many boys and my weight
im loving: it?
im hating: food and my compulsive binge eating
im gonna: starve myself 4 the next few days and keep my distance
im freaking out: over my weight and words just words...
im going: outta my mind
im having: a bad day.
i like: boys with sexy boxers or piercings or gorgeous eyes... or JOHNNY DEPP!

Preferances ---
In boys I prefer....
boxers or tighty whities: BOXERS
piercings or none: piercings! tongue piercings especially! or eye brow piercings!
tattoos or none: tattooos! but must b discreet enuf.
facial hair or clean shaven: a goatee but no moustaches!
romantic or macho: a guy tt acts macho but one on one, hes a really sappy romantic but not clingy
spiky hair or wavy: wavy
tan or fair: slightly tan but not too white nor too tan
skinny or muscles: in between. not skinnier than me but not too buff!
color eyes: blue or green or hazel
hair color: brown?
tall or short: tall

2005-08-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

sick of the same old routine
so another mess
got outta one mess, sorted it and over it
and into another one i go
the common thing between both messes here?
me.
i wonder if thats just a conincidence or if i just cause myself these messes.

i sat there
watching them fight
they didnt even bother hiding it anymore
and that one tear drop
it went unnoticed
they were too absorbed in their own distress
to notice tt one tear.
just cry one tear
and no more.

bones are beauty.

im in a blah-ish mood. sorry.

hey baby can u bleed like me?,
c'mon baby can u bleed like me,
marly

2005-08-29T16:54:00.000+08:00

kirstin!!!

2005-08-29T16:53:00.000+08:00

kirstin!!!

2005-08-29T16:52:00.000+08:00

me and sofia

2005-08-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

sofia,me, mahima and hari on her fone

2005-08-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

me and hari in front of our sexy sexy car!

2005-08-29T16:35:00.000+08:00

she starves herself to rid herself of sin
and the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
and she says:hey baby can you bleed like me?
c´mon baby can you bleed like me

pics from womad are posted below. there are more on my webshots account

confusion again.in the masses.

2005-08-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

he watched me dance
his eyes just falling on me
and i felt it
and i embraced it
maybe im an attention seeking whore
maybe im just a dork who'd like 2 think shes half way near normal looking
maybe just maybe
but it was great,
the sweat,
him pushing thru the moshing crowd 2 get nearer 2 me
and the hugs
the smiles
the deafening music which radiated from monster speakers
the drum beats
the bongos
the pulse of my own heart beating in my ears as we danced the nite away
and the glaring lights in my face, my hair a mess, part of a crowd
but i thrived on his eyes searching me
waiting 4 me 2 look at him so we'd have a moment of recognition
i wasnt gonna give it 2 him tt easy
i felt it driving him crazy tt he thot i didnt notice him outta the corner of my eye

confusion is never a gd thing.
all my kisses seem to create confusion
and if its confusing now maybe theres nuthing 2 it but just 2 detach
2 just act like theres nuthing 2 happen or happening
i feel it in me that we'll kiss eventually
and maybe if ur confused already and im confused already
we should just give up.
but a part of me really doesnt
its been so long that someones gotten me
someone hu didnt have expectations
someone not completely boring...
confusion again. in the masses.

sex is a texas drought,
marly

womad

2005-08-27T09:37:00.000+08:00

aloha every1
WOMAD was awesome!
me, hari, sofia, kirstin, mahima and a bunch of us went 4 it
we danced our butts off and had such a rad time.
still cant stand the bongos, but im guilty of having fun nonetheless
going again 2nite
oh the excitement! pics r uploaded on my webshots account.

survey

2005-08-25T21:13:00.000+08:00

What is your full name?Marlene Margaret Ditzig Li-mei
Nicknames? Marly, marloosh, too many!
Single or taken? single and mingling
Sex? female
Where do you live?singapore
What color underwear are you wearing right now? blue lace
What are you doing right now? talkin to josh, kirstin, and lotsa ppl
What was the last thing you did?? went on the weighing scale
What is right next to you? my hand phone
Who was the last person you made out with? uhhh cant remember but it was pretty recent
If you were a toy, what would you be? a cabbage patch kid doll!
Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? i dont wanna get married
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? sum1 i can walk arnd nude with
How many people do you have on your buddy list? 278
How's the weather right now? humid
Last person you spoke to on the phone? shei
Last person who IMed you? josh
Last person you IMed? josh
What's your ring tone? its just odd
What do you think a toblerone is? its evil. food is evil
What are you wearing right now? a tee shirt and undies
Do you wear contacts? no
What school do you go to? UWC
Do you own a vehicle? Nope
Have you ever won a special award? yah a few
What are your future plans? survive UWC, lost weight.
Last film you saw at the cinema? charlie and the choc. factory
Did you actually watch it? yes its johnny depp!
Fave day of the year? 31st dec?
Are you too shy to ask anyone out? no
If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? mo
Do you like scary or happy movies?? scary
Christmas or Easter? christmas
ChristmasLust or love? christmas lust
loveeeKisses or hugs?kisses
If you could change one thing, what would it be? my weight
What color are your pajamas? blue
What color is your toothbrush? green
Fave part of the opposite sex? the back
Whats the first thing you think of when you wake up? god i hope its good.
Roller coaster: scary or exciting? exciting
How many times do you let the phone ring before you answer it? as many times as i want!
If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be? johnny depp
Zodiac sign? taurus
Half empty or half full? half full
Whats your fave number? 73
Skiing or snowboarding? ice skating dammit!
Summer or winter? summer
Silver or gold? silver
Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
Sunrise or sunset? sunset
Have you ever broken a bone? yes in my nose
Do you hate anyone? yes tons of ppl.

nothing tastes better than thin

2005-08-25T19:53:00.000+08:00

WOMAD is tomorrow.
part of me is kinda psyched out for it and the other part doesnt wanna go but i reckon ill go anyway just 4 the heck of it.
dunno what im gonna do there. bah ham bug.

he pointed at me 2dae and said "thats the one"
awwww......so sweet
haha i have a lil crush on sum guy hu never talked 2 me in the grade above. brilliance, marlene, brilliance.

now he stares at me in class
bah ham bug again.
i hate the awkwardness.

nothing tastes better than thin.

spelling mistakes r so adorable.

married 2 nudity

2005-08-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

with the unnecessary physical contact i didnt want,
i got 2 smell him.
he doesnt smell as gd as he used to.
he doesnt smell as sexy as he used to.
and this makes me happy
cos the attraction we had was cos of how god damn hott he smelled
but now he doesnt have tt scent,
maybe he stopped using the cologne.
oh well the sexy cologne is gone,
hes a gigolo and not a very hott one at tt,
he has bad hair and ugly feet lol. so im pretty sure im over it.
on another hand, 3 dates 4 womad
cant decide hu.
das ist nicht so gut marlene
maybe ill escape and spend the nite lookin at the stars with him.
he seems the most real option 2 me right now.
i could b comfortable sitting in silence just watching stars with him
whereas with the other guys theres a need 4 entertainment, a need 4 conversation.

lubna asked me abt marriage
i said id never marry the man i love
id live with him
id wake up, walk arnd my apartment naked, get my coffee and my paper and read it at the kitchen counter and when he came out, i wouldnt hide frm his view cos i was naked, id bask in his presence, bask in the bareness and nudity of the situation, the beauty of real love not confined by the church's definition of love abt marriage. now thats love.
and lust
and the whole shibang of sex without marriage
and the whole glitz and glam of uncomplicated life of no commitment. brilliance.

womad, henry and u.

2005-08-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

WOMAD is coming.
oh boy am i all riled up 4 it.
cant choose between 3 dates now.
i thot 2 was hard
one more has added itself 2 the list.
there arent enuf days of womad tt im going 4 2 go with all of em
guess ill figure it out

henry is coming over dinner
screw henry the "great"
i cant stand the man
what part of i hate u and ur not welcome in our house does he not understand?
probably the entire part considering his lack of english vocabulary
the man is so stupid
hes so juvenile and attention seeking
everything abt tt man frm his glasses, his combed down hair, his china man accent, his UGLY plaid shirts, his high pants and down to his ugly lil leather shoes peeve me!

i like u and u like me
and thats just the very reason y we cant b together.

i love bongos,
marly

2005-08-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

it wasnt even a few hrs after did i replace his memory with new ones.
im incapable of human emotion perhaps, of feeling pain and anger and sadness
well im capable of all those emotions but only temporarily.
ack this is confusing.
bah hamk bug. 2 lazy 2 work on my other blog.
im all red frm going 2 siloso beach on sentosa 2dae.
ALL RED.
im burning, scorching. cant feel my eye balls.
ackness.
i hate being alone.
im going 2 womad! woopie!

2005-08-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

im tugging on his lil yoyo string
and a lucid little toy of a yr ago
he comes back 2 me
he rolls on back eager as ever
smiling, immature, panglossian, ideal.

my ana/mia

2005-08-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

guten aloha.
ive made my own pro ana/mia site on xanga
look 4 me. my username is: snafued_sacrosanct.
thats just my weight loss count and everything.
so if u dont give a shit abt my weight and my obsession with it, stick to reading this blog. if not u can check out my other site on xanga. no nasty haters there pls.
i believe in what im doing and it wouldnt kill me 2 lose a lil bit.
btw for sum of u hu dunno ana/mia stands for anorexia and bulimia.
cheerio ppl! ill post on this site again abt other things after i get outta my current ditch.

height: 5'2/ 5'3 (159/160 cm)
current weight: 96 lbs/48 kg
goal weight: 80 lbs / 40 kg.

eating disorder test. take it and c how affected u r! this is mine.

2005-08-17T21:16:00.000+08:00

Eating disorder test (Check what applies to you):
(x) although people tell me I'm thin (or not fat), I don't believe it.
(x ) I get nervous if I'm unable to exercise.
( ) [Female] I've missed my period before.
(x) I think a lot about what I will eat.
(x) If I weigh myself and I've gained weight, I get upset.
(x) I would rather eat alone than with family.
( x) I've heard other people talking about my eating habits.
(x) I don't like when people tell me to eat.
( ) No one understands my feelings.
(x) When I eat, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop.
(x) I sometimes lie about what I eat.
( x) I don't like to be bothered when I'm eating.
(xxxxx) I would like myself better if I were thinner.
(xxxxx) I have a lot of reading material about dieting and exercise.
( ) I have missed work or school because of my eating habits.
(x) I can sometimes be depressed and irritable.
(xx) I feel guilty when I eat.
(x ) I avoid some people because they talk to me about the way I eat.
(xxxx) I feel bloated and fat.
(x ) I binge eat.
(x) I do strange things with my food.
(xxxx) I get anxious when people watch me eat.
(xxxxx) I am hardly ever satisfied with myself.
(x) I vomit or take laxatives.
(xxxxxxxxxx) I want to be thin.
(xxxxxxxx) I would rather die than be fat.
(xxx) I fast.
(x) I have noticed one or more of the following: cold hands and feet, dry skin, thinning hair, fragile nails, swollen glands in neck, dizziness.

2005-08-17T16:00:00.000+08:00

well ive dug myself a deeper hole.
i shd just hide in tt hole tt i keep on digging
a kiss?! am i outta my mind?!!!
god dammit.
it was awkward
the silence
his stand-offishness
his non chalant answers
its like the real him wasnt anywhere near there
it was just gone
and i didnt noe where the person i fancied had gone
but i was talkin 2 him
and i could stop myself
the awkwardness was gettin 2 me
so what did i do?
huh?
i lied.
thats rite i lied.
i made up feelings.
i leaned over and kissed him.
and i looked into his eyes.
only tt one moment of looking into his eyes did i recognize the old him, and felt safe.
but when i left it was the new him again, the cold heartless man whore.
the male version of me.
the male version of me disgusts me
any version of me makes it incapable 4 me 2 have feelings 4 tt
i hate any1 like me
with my twisted morals
and caniving ways
and weak nature
he was my opposite
and i liked tt
and now i dunno hu he is
but it faintly resembles me.
and tt scares me shitless
the thot of 2morrow scares me shitless too
how do i act?
will he ignore me again?
will i ignore him again?
will we both act like nothing happened?
ahhhh! im driving myself insane!

2005-08-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

im over it.
ive moved on to sum1 new.
*giggle* ooo the butterflies in my tummy *giggle*

god damned pissed

2005-08-16T17:39:00.000+08:00

stupid me.
stupid naive little me.
i guess i got what was coming 4 me.
i guess i deserved it.
i guess my karma came back 2 bite me in the ass.
ugh. i disgust me.
he disgusts me.
she disgusts me.
but i really do disgust me most.
i wanna scream and hit him cos he made me think it was cos of my own infidelity
the guilt i felt and thinking he was waiting 4 an apology frm me was total shit
he wasnt
and im surprised i didnt even noe that
hmmm despite the spicy chick comments
alix was rite
she was and i reckon alix was spicy chick
of course i never thot it possible
he seemed so naive and young and unexperienced and devoted
and what pisses me off most now is tt i dont actually care abt it
abt what happened
i just am upset cos i lost a fren due to my own stupidity in thinking it wouldnt go anywhere
a kiss just isnt a kiss anymore.
it led 2 an i love u frm him in a few wks
its led 2 him and i hating each others guts now
god dammit marlene
ur brilliant when ur hammered
y cant guys just b devoid of emotion again?
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

for pictures acess

2005-08-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

for pictures of me and all the other ppl in my life go to www.webshots.com and check for the user name : marloosh
all my albums will b there. take a look thru and leave comments. this is done so anonymous on my tag board will b happy. close to 100 pics and still adding more. as for my new site, its still under work. till its done ill post here.

change of blogs

2005-08-11T14:17:00.000+08:00

change of blogs for now: http://massacre-of-lovers.blogspot.com

2005-08-09T08:06:00.000+08:00

me and lillie!!!!

2005-08-09T08:05:00.001+08:00

lillie, my fat little kitty cat!

2005-08-09T08:05:00.000+08:00

the geese!

2005-08-09T08:04:00.002+08:00

another picture of danny on the farm

2005-08-09T08:04:00.001+08:00

a mural of elvis in atlantic city

2005-08-09T08:04:00.000+08:00

sitting on my aunt's patio

2005-08-09T08:01:00.000+08:00

danny and the geese at my grandparent's farm

ranting abt a girl

2005-07-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

i read her posts
i read into her angst and how alone she feels
i read her blog cos 2 me its the only one that matters
its the only one that makes sense
its the only one that reminds me of me
after the starving, after the purging, after the cutting and depression and comfort of self pity, it sounds so familiar 2 me
and i wish that i could b that person 2 her though i dont actually noe her
two total complete strangers, she's never met me and ive never met her
but i want 2 feel her pain, i want 2 feel her sadness and i want 2 let her feel like she's got a fren she totally doesnt noe abt. god i sound like mary sunshine
but this girl, her writing, the way she screams out song lyrics just 2 numb her tidal waves of emotions.....its struck a chord in me. it has. i was so like her before i decided life was too short 2 b hung up on problems, 2 short 2 b hung up on a guy, 2 short 2 b hung up by a broken family and a mom hu just constantly wants 2 bring u down abt the way u look, ur weight, the way u talk, anything about u. life is too short 2 spend the nites crying...but sumhow life isnt short enough.
u'd reckon that after watching 16 candles, a lovey dovey feel good 80's movie, id b all gushy but i read her posts and how shes so unaccepted cos she doesnt fit into the "teenage girl" criteria imposed by society and singapore's education system brainwashing each new adolescent into thinking unhappiness isnt natural, morbidity and creative expression is frowned upon and she'll never find sum1 2 bring her outta her funk as long as there was a chance they listened 2 a word given by the moe. god i want 2 hug her and make her believe its all right. i want her not 2 feel like i did a few months back or even a yr ago. but theres really nothing i can do, she and i r more alike than she'll ever really noe... and im so afraid of going back 2 myself my old self that is. not the one tt ppl have come 2 noe...not the "prep" or the "care-free" person but the someone else i used to be. theres no name 4 it, i wasnt a goth...i wasnt a fucked up stereotype i was just a someone else.... and shes a someone else too. i love that abt how. i admire her 4 being so candid abt herself yet she restrains and represses herself so much cos of her stupid stupid naive local school frenz hu will think its a quick fix that she shd go c the councellor. FUCK COUNSELLORS! they dunnno half the crap they preach abt. god knows how they even got a licence 2 practice psychiatry. she needs reality. some one real hu has felt the EXACT SAME way. i want tt 2 b me. hahaha omg i sound like a lesbian. im sorry my feelings 4 this girl r totally not sexual or of any lesbian sort. im straight...hhaha yeah rite... well im definitely not gay but her writing just empowered and affected me so much i had 2 post abt it. im gonna talk 2 her. just naturally i wanna b there 4 her.

a lie simple and embryonic percolates me soul,
marloosh

all doped up

2005-07-29T11:30:00.000+08:00

SOOOOOOOO...whats the story morning glory????
huh huh huh?
im sooo hyper
after spending 15 minutes spinning around and around and around on my wheely chair, im officially dizzy and i mite b sick. way 2 go, if i keep this up i could b bulimic!!! HOOHAH!

ive been making lists
and lists
and lists
and reading up on pilates and yoga and talking 2 people.
oh the joy.
of lists and lists and lists.
its listful joy i tell u.

the dirty martini rocks
i love falling in love with love
i love being pissed drunk
i love boys
especially bar tender boys with tongue piercings and hott bleach blonde hair
i love summer
i love summer flings even more
i love being female
though sometimes i reckon it'd b easier being male
all id have 2 do is scratch my balls, wank every so often and im ur average joe!
so the standard of average 4 a guy isnt really very hard 2 reach is it??
oh well
im off 2 play with my ladle (im not talkin kinky here. im really refering 2 a ladle. u noe the thing people use 2 make soup, scoop soup and fish for boots with)

miss ya, wouldnt wanna b ya
love me, yeah u just do,
marly

mystery of the missing sock

2005-07-26T07:08:00.000+08:00

now that the whole shibang on my tagboard with my little spicy "admirer" is over with. im gonna start on something important. a topic that has haunted man kind since the era of the washing machine, something that has baffled people all around the globe since the beginning of time. thats right, the mystery of the missing sock!

i noe what you guys r thinking, where do the socks go? i mean u put them in the washer, and u put them in the dryer and yet only one sock comes out... where does the other side go? is it stuck in some alternate reality of fuzz? is there some little sock elf that steals the socks when we arent looking? and if so what does the sock elf do with all the stolen socks? does he build his own little city of sock puppets? does he hold conversations and tea parties with the socks? or maybe the socks just disappear into another sockly planet? a planet where socks run free with the lint bunnies.... a planet where there is no more detergent or odouress feet. a place of joy and freedom and no shoes. i mean to socks, their shoes r probably their master. the shoes covet them and watch them and smother them with their old foot sweat and rancid smell. so perhaps the dryer is their escape frm such a horrid life of athelete's foot and constantly trying 2 distinguish themselves frm their other sock partner. i mean the left sock could easily b the right sock and vice versa. it must b a tough life tryin 2 show ur the left sock or ur the right sock and ppl dont care which sock u r as long as u keep their feet warm...so maybe sometimes the pressure of being a sock gets 2 them and they pender suicide in the washer and when they get to the dryer they act on it? so ur dryer mite actually b full of dead socks. maybe the lint collect in the front of the dryer in that lil compartment is dead sock ash? do dead socks therefore have ghosts? ur dryer could b haunted for all u noe, haunted by the restless souls of the unfullfilled socks....bless their sockly souls, may they rest in peace..

yes yes the mystery of the missing socks...its something that only time will tell, something that we shall just have to all keep wondering abt. the greatest question of all time, the life altering, show stopping mystery...of..THE MISSING SOCKS!

R.I.P and mexican men with missing teeth,
marly

another reply 2 le spicy one

2005-07-25T05:08:00.000+08:00

ooh la la
my little "spicy" one has returned.
i dunno y some lil deluded ones r so intriguied by my personal life.
honestly, i do open relationships and i try 2 only stick 2 open relationships. i mean we r young, we r teenagers, we shd b able 2 go out and make out with sum random person even while havin a significant other. ive done that in front of ant on one of my intoxicated escapades and honestly, whether or not he did it too isnt of any importance but dont go around calling my fren a gigolo whilst posing as me. u can call me a prostitute, fine, but i have more class than u do cos i dont have 2 pretend 2 b sum1 else 2 insult that person, i just say it 2 their face as me and i dont do it in a harsh way unless they instigate it. now now spicy chick, im sure u can c that i didnt want 2 b mean 2 u first, ok, this is strike 2, other people have told u 2 back off and strike 3, ur name is gonna b plastered all over this site. dont think i dunno hu u r. i noe he rejected u when u tried 2 come onto him at some party, i noe he pushed u off his lap when u tried 2 sit on it. yeah, i noe hu u r. but i feel sorry 4 u and im not gonna write ur name out here but one more pathetic attempt and being shot down on my website and ur name will b out in the open. u wont have the name "spicy chick" 2 hide behind. i think its time the truth came out dont u? its much more exciting than the mindless rumours that fly around skool abt me like me being a lesbian arsenist, me being a prostitute, me saying stuff abt juan, me being a bitch or stuck up snob. those people hu say that dont even take the time 2 talk 2 me. half of them have never even said a word 2 me and they bitch abt me. dont think i dunno... im fully aware of how our skool runs and it aint very fair. so spicy chick honey sweetie, im gonna b as nice 2 u as possible in hopes that maybe one day u'll grow up enuf 2 c that u cant get what u want by being a bitch and making stories up. but as i said, ant and i r still both single so go make a move on him. its summer, its time 4 flings. im havin my fair share of romance in the states with other boys and u shd have ur fair share too in singapore despite the slim pickings.so from one hormonal teenage girl 2 another, good luck and i mean it sincerely. go have a good time, its ur summer vacation babe, if im having a good time, i only hope all my frenz and all other teens r having one too. so if u really like ant, then u shd b the one 2 show him a good time! seriously, stop wasting ur time sitting in front of the computer, on my website pretending 2 b me or whatever and badmouthing me and my frenz when u noe u'll only b told 2 piss off by like every1 else. cant u c that ur all alone here?dont waste gd precious summer time being lame and resentful that i was lucky enuf 2 have ant like me for me, go out, make ur move, have a party, get drunk, get ur groove on girl! do something productive instead of tryin 2 bring me down when it aint gonna happen. i told u i have 100% trust in ant and nothing he does or doesnt do will ever b as bad as what i put him thru. im not a man hog, i dont like commitment so what he does with other girls is his own thing man. he aint 2 timing me cos im doing stuff with the boys here (oh pls, dont gimme that look, im not sleeping around or anything when i say do stuff but im still harmlessly flirting. im still talkin 2 em and all ) so enjoy the rest of ur summer honeykins!

OK NOW BACK 2 MORE IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE MY FRENZ!
whats happening ya'll?! Lubi, i got ur sms, but my fone bill is sky rocketing cos me and him been talkin every wk since i got 2 the states. yeah lets meet up ill b back aug 8th. i wanna hit the beach and can we sleep over at marissa's place??? anyway lemme noe soon. love ya tons babe! im going over 2 my grandparent's house. (oma und opa, ja ja) im missing u! and ur still my favouritest bff in the whole world and the laundry mats included. lets find sum GANGSTA HOMIES! hahaha im so hardcore. lol misss ya'll other ppl 2 loads too.

u noe u love me ;),
marly

reply to tagboard messages (a lil help for spicy chick)

2005-07-24T15:07:00.000+08:00

HELLO MY LITTLE MISSING SOCKS AND THEN SOME!
im back frm my lil california trip.
responses to my tagboard:
(spicy chick) honey, i dont fight over boys. it aint my style, if ant likes u so much he'd b with u and not me. i trust ant, and i know he really likes me but we're not officially an item so if u still wanna go for him, u shd make ur move while im half way around the world and while hes single. but honestly dont badmouth ant, hes my friend to say the least and a really nice guy. i dont think he likes me but i trust him when he said more than that but u noe what if the guy is a player, then he is. but until hes done anything 2 lose my trust, my views on him being a fantastic guy wont change. but as i said, whats going on with me and ant have nothing 2 do with anyone else in our skool but our closest friends like kirstie and nico and people not people like u hu dun even noe me and PRESUME that i sleep around, that PRESUME that i like antony, that PRESUME that he likes u. if he liked u and u liked him, u wouldnt b giving up on him. c'mon surely u can think of a better story and a better way of trying 2 make me feel bad? anyway, good luck with ur moves, maybe u shd just u noe not b so subtle..... maybe he doesnt even noe u like him. try telling him to his face in a nice way, i noe he likes nice girls. good luck babe and pls stop dissing me on my own site, its taking up space and im sure ur tired of ppl telling u 2 fuck off, shut up or that ur just plain wrong. CHEERS!

{the people that helped out, like jay,nrl, sessy, serena, anonymous with a moose, the other anonymouse, someone and all the others}
thanks alot u guys! it means alot 2 me that ya'll got my back. and at least u guys r the ones that really noe the true me, not the reputation of me or what ppl say abt me. whats with the harry potter mumble jumble? u guys gotta fill me in soon!!!!!! thanks! love ya'll wayyyyy too much!!!

anyway i was gonna write on the mystery of missing socks but now its 3 am. came back frm cali. went 2 mexico too. found gr8 boozing places like tijuana and santa barbara. more info. next time.

dirty martinis and cheerios,
marly

emails and parfaits

2005-07-08T04:47:00.000+08:00

whats with all the wacked out anonymous ppl on my tagboards lately? lol
whatever im loving it.
i love random ppl!
so im off 2 california 2morrow
i mite not have internet connection 4 the next 2 wks so u'll noe if im not replying 2 ur emails, or if im not blogging.
the blonde terror of a nephew i have has left.
little demon child.

so i called him the other nite
hes still back home in s'pore.
i love how his voice sounds when he just gets up
and i love even more when he said "no ur not going just yet."
i love it almost as much as when he play-wrestles me
its sweet
and then im reminded of the other one
the one with the questions and the soft lips and flushed cheeks
with the locks of dirty blonde hair that twist and cover his mesmerising hazel eyes....
and im so lost.
i miss talkin 2 nico or kirstin or lubna and sorting it out
i miss havin life simple when no one gave me the time of day and i was just the fat kid in the corner and nothing more.
it wasnt as bad as it seemed cos i never had 2 decide if i wanted the experienced player as a fling or the sentimental madly-in-love-with-me guy as a relationship. i never had 2 think abt being loyal and choosing between the ultimate goddess sex life or the cliche-chick-movie head-over-heels monogamous 2 person long term thing. i shd stop complaining!
im so lucky
my total count: 15
15 in 3 months
15 in 12 weeks
thats more than most girls get. im lucky
i shd b thankful
but y dont i feel so lucky???
maybe im just a brat
or maybe its the fresh fruit yoghurt parfait.
anyway if u guys need 2 email me just contact me at nihilistic_insomniac@hotmail.com.

smoochies on that lil ball of furry flub called lillie,
marly

a little look into my trip.

2005-07-06T03:39:00.000+08:00

"how long has it been since u last cried, not the crying that is dependant on ur acting abilities but the crying with emotion, the human crying?" he asked me
his hazel eyes piercing into me and etching themselves into my mind till now.
i couldnt answer him and thats not the worse bit
the fact that i cant even recall is scarier
im not even sure if im capable of crying anymore
im not sure if im capable of feeling anything anymore
remorse, pain, anger, anything that isnt temporary or shallow.
im worse than a psychopath cos while im never insane
being devoid of human-ness is my worst fault yet.
not my insecurity, not my hypocracy, not my manipulative ways or two sided smiles. no. the fact that i cant feel anymore is daunting. i cant feel anything thats genuine. no words of affection that pass my lips, however little they r, are always well thought out, always planned, and always said only 2 evoke emotion in another person or 2 portray a little film scene that seems so touching in the movie but even after the lines are said, the script is read the emptiness is all that remains.
"why do u do the things u do? why do u want 2 hurt every1 and urself?" he asked next when i couldnt answer the first time.
his questions echoed into my ears and into my dreams that night.
they were like finger nails to a chalk board, only worse.
much much worse.
i could see now his pupils dialating and his hazel eyes becoming shifty and brimming with a tear drop he was tryin 2 hold back on.
"why cant u respond when i ask u questions? why cant u fucking respond when i say i love u?!" his last outcry before the little tear drop fell.
it hit the swing seat and there was frm there, no going back.
the most tense form of silence.
silence is harsh and unyielding and obscene but anything less than perfect silence isnt silence at all.
i never had the right answer.
i could never b one of those girls hu said i love u back
i was the one hu saved her first i love u for someone hu truly deserved it.
those 3 words mean more 2 me than my virginity.
sex ISNT making love
its an action done in a heated moment when ur giddy or not totally there.
so y was it so hard for me 2 tell him i was seeing someone else?
y couldnt i even say it 2 him even though i said it a million times in my head?
y did it feel so good to kiss when i knew i was doing something wrong?
and even after, the guilt didnt come, the happiness didnt come, the feeling of safety didnt come. i was just there. with him. his arms around me, his breath on my cheek and i was emptier than ever. i was emptier than before

lower than scum

2005-06-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

its only been a day away and im already reminiscing.
god, marlene, ur such a granny
maybe i am
id quite like 2 b one of those senile ones
the sort that talk 2 mops and kitchen appliances
the sort that think its still world war II and that we're all doomed to death
the sort that has 20 cats named mo. (i havent given up on that dream yet..)
u noe just gd old crazy madhatter grandma.
talking abt grandmas i havent seen mine in ages
i have to see her soon
never quite enjoyed visiting her over the last couple of years
sitting in that musky room totally devoid of emotion with the same conversation repeating itself every 10 mins cos she forgets
pictures of her captured her real sassiness but now she just sits there
and is like...there but thats all. shes just there
shes just there like her musky dead wool carpet
shes just there like the dust that congregates on her teak furniture
shes just there like the attic full of my dad's stuff frm centuries ago

i wonder if ppl r just there
u noe there with out a purpose or a reason
and maybe even we depend on these meaningless objects
but maybe sum of us depends too much on these objects
we dwell on these things, these creatures
our desires concaving in with time
y is it that u cant stop thinking about that person
u cant get tt one moment, that one sentence out of ur mind?
how did u trap urself in ur own little battlefield of enclosure?
how is it that u keep imagining running into his arms and kissing him again when u have 6 more weeks apart
maybe im becoming female, involuntarily so but im still wilting like a sole flower into this little self destroying thing called the woman's mind....
where sentiment is everything, sex is entwined with emotion, there is the existance of 'THE one', poetry isnt cheesy, tears r beautiful and theres more to life than drunken summer flings and 0ne night stands
if i am turning into one of these self deluded baffoons i swear, someone shoot me now. its lower than falling 2 scum. its worse than ur neighbourhood ho, its worse than being a redneck or being a sugar daddy
thinking like one, makes me so...... self deprecating, unbearable
it'll only b a matter of time before i say "i love u" back to him
and then life as i noe it, will come crashin down....
it'll come tumbling down and ill deal with commitment
ill b forced 2 grow up.
ill become vulnurable and have my feelings hurt and ill b rejected.

and so the painstaking dance continues
only now its not me holding back
i dunno where he is
but i miss him already
i just wish i was as certain as when i kissed him gd bye that he is missin me as much as im missing him

here i am once again
torn into pieces,
marly

last post before im off 2 the US

2005-06-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

well helllo there
im doing this now at 1.30 am before i board 2 go 2 the states
amazingly i really dont wanna go
i noe im missing out on so much fun in singapore
the drunken nights, summer flings, spooning and endless shows of affection.
omg. im gonna miss out on all of that 2 b in the states.
i suppose my mind and position on this shall change when i get there
but as of now i really really really dont wanna go
i want the late night into early morning visits to remain
i want my endless hammered nights of fun to never cease
i want summer to be summer to be summer!
so we went down 2 the chocolate bar 2nite
below r sum pics of us just fooling arnd
no taking drags on fags for 2 whole months!
no more bacardi, vodka, tequila for 2 whole months!
no more making out with random guys for 2 whole months!
i was just gettin into the swing of being a teenager on summer holiday
and i gotta be swept away 2 the united states to be with dysfunctional families in rural new jersey
i sound like such a paris hilton saying that
but its kind of true
im gonna miss ppl like kirstie, kirstin, nico, kai, ant, pierre and sooooo many more like so fucking much
these r the ppl ive hung out with like every single day since a lil before summer began.
its gonna b weird not being at holland village sitting at starbucks or delifrance.
its gonna b weird not going 2 clarke quay wee hours in the morning and buying absolut at seven eleven
its just gonna b plain weird

so we continue this pain staking dance
his falling in
and my holding back
my cold shoulder against his loving hand
theres so much he doesnt noe
and yet he thinks he does
he doesnt noe how ill hurt him
it doesnt scare him that ive already hurt him and i will probably continue to do so
yet it doesnt scare me that hes said those 3 words after only a month of knowing me
it doesnt bother him i cant say those 3 words back
and it doesnt bother me that i cant act like i do feel that way
and thus we continue this pain staking dance
our own little tango to our own little rhythm and beat
a step forward and backward
a kiss for another betrayal
a hug for a meaningless apology
a saint for a whore.

2005-06-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

kai's little kamasutra move.

2005-06-26T01:04:00.001+08:00

alex being well...alex...

2005-06-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

kirstie shaking her thang at the chocolate bar and kai giving us the finger

2005-06-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

me and antony

wake up call

2005-06-24T16:37:00.000+08:00

i wonder if one day im gonna wake up
and im gonna realize how empty my life is
how totally frivolous my teenage years were
all they were filled with were drunken nights, failed relationships and a german sized sex drive
maybe im just a pathetic excuse 4 a teenager
i mean im really lucky 4 a teenage girl
every1 always tells me this
and i noe i do alot more than most teenage girls
i get job offers and ive never been rejected by a guy i like
and i dunno i am so lucky
yet i seemed to have missed the litttle memo on those "magical" 3 words that every1 else seems to get
every1 else knows when sum1 is in love
yet i cant c it
its in their eyes they say
but when i look in his eyes, i never saw it.
its in the way he looks at u and kisses u
yet i never saw or felt it then either
i thot he was jus a horny bastard
lol
maybe its abt time i grew up just a lil
maybe its abt time i stop getting wasted every wkend
maybe its abt time i stopped tormenting myself over 3 words he probably shouldnt even mean

fear the banana man,
marly

boys boys boys

2005-06-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

i love the way he...:
1)smells...god...its such a turn on.
2)looks at me
3)runs his fingers through my hair
4)kisses me before he leaves
5)wrestles me
6)holds my hand
7)hugs me
8)does that weird thing when he ruffles his hair
9)picks up his fone
10)plays the guitar...the look he gets when he plays it....
11)puts his head in my lap
12)tries 2 crush me by sitting on me or laying on top of me
13)picks me up and carries me
14)the little twinkle in his eye when he smiles
15)the way he teases me playfully
16)the way he cries. its not like a girl but like a man, silent and with-held but the right emotions are there, u can just tell.
17)cares about my feelings over his image
18)takes care of me

i hate the way he...:
1)makes me feel like a sex toy sometimes
2)makes me feel like hes taking advantage of me
3)made a decision about "us" without running it by me
4)makes that little noise with the half smile
5)he can make me feel cheap with one sentence right before he leaves
6)isnt replying to my sms when he normally replies really fast.
7)didnt get that i wanted him to make the first moves
8)doesnt totally understand me
9)makes me feel insecure that we have a "relationship" that he decided on that is based on nothing but drunken nites and sexual attraction
10)is so typically female mentally
11)doesnt take the initiative to call me or text me first
12)acted like i didnt exist when we first had our fling
13)he left me alone for that short period of time
14)sometimes needs me more than i need him
15)sometimes likes me more than i like him
16)kisses me
17)doesnt get along very well with my friends
18)can seem like such a sleezeball so easily

this just isnt gonna work....theres too much going on. way too much. im becoming female slowly. and i dunno hes female. two female minded people in one relationship that was decided on by him and not me isnt gonna work. ill self combust before i even get to destroy him and break his heart....

The very detailed Perfect guy survey
Created by Jazzbunny and taken 3437 times on bzoink!
His Look:
Name:	something sexy. nothing outta the bible. keep it short, sweet and simple.
Hair Colour:	dark brown, brown or black
Hair Style (long, short, bowl cut, cornrows, etc) :	wavy, dreadlocks, curly
Eye colour:	blue, green, hazel
Age:	at least 2 yrs older than me
Height:	at least 8 cm taller than me
Size:	slim, toned, not too much muscle
Body build:	not to the point he looks like hes on steroids
Ethnicity:	yep.
Glasses?	dont matter, if he does, they have 2 b the cool writer black square frame sort
Piercings?	one ear piercing or a tongue piercing or a nipple piercing
Chest hair?	very little
big ol booty? or no?	no.
label	aloof, hott misunderstood mysterious artistic guy
His Mind
in school?	he artsy, mysterious sort.
what does he want be/do when he grows up?	act/music/arts
Can he speak another language, if yes what?	french
Can he read music?	yes
Can he read guitar tabs?	yes
Can he play guitar?	DEFINITELY
piano?	i wouldnt complain...
the drums?	i wouldnt complain about that either.
some other instrument?	nope. drums, piano or guitar = sex appeal
Can he write music?	hopefully
Will he write songs about you?	he better.
Will he write poems about you?	yeah but not that sentimental muck.
Will he be artistic in some way?	thats a must
Will he "blind you with science?"	doubt it.
His Style
Party hopper or stay at home?	stay at home
Straight A student of Drop out?	a bit of both, closer to drop out
Does he have a best friend?	yes
is it you?	that would be sad.
Is he straight or bi?	either. bi guys r cool though
Religious? what type?	not religious
Virgin? till marriage or till "the rite time"?	till the right time
Should he be able to bake or cook?	yeah...that would b kinda sexy
Is it okay for him to have a lot of gal pals?	yeah, y not?
Out-going or shy?:	outgoing around me, shy around strangers
Should he watch chick-flicks?:	haha not unless hes drunk
Would he be a smoker?:	yeah
drinking?:	not an alcoholic but he should drink
cursing?	none of that "nigger-wannabe" crap
does he play football(US)?	it dont matter as long as i aint expected to go to his games
soccer?	dont matter
baseball?	no.
basketball?	dont matter
rugby?	hmm yeah.
golf?	no.
does he drag race?	what..?
does he have a "pimped up" ride?	dont matter
Can he surf?	wouldnt hurt.
skateboard?	quirky turn on....
snowboard?	dont matter but i wouldnt be complaining.
Would he have an accent?	yeah! a very cool, sexy, suave one.
Anything else?	nein danke
You and Him last part!
Does he kiss on the first date?:	yes
Where does he take you?	small private coffee shops, quiet places not the mall.
Does he pay?	yes cos im broke all the time
Would he lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies?	OH YEAH!
Would he use endearments?	yeah but nothing matronly
Would you hold hands?	yep
Would you ever stay the nite at his place?	you bet
Would he give you flowers/candy or a big expensive gift.	haha i wouldnt mind
Would he walk you to your door at the end o the nite?	yeah
How would he propose?	i dont do marriage
Lastly, after you meet, get hitched, etc. What do u name your kids?	we wont have any.
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

2005-06-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

AHH!! THE ATTACK OF THE NICO! ;p

2005-06-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

hahah pierre, dani and niamh...reowr!

2005-06-22T13:03:00.001+08:00

pierre and jemma. need i say more?

2005-06-22T13:03:00.000+08:00

kirstie and me humping our lil reindeer fren.

absolut fun

2005-06-22T13:00:00.000+08:00

Guten aloha young pedawans.
below are sum uploaded photos of my escapades at fort canning centre and once again holland v yesterday.
the booze was gr8,
stole one bottle of absolut home with gwen
mixed it in with apple juice
badaboom badabam, a party in a bottle!
absolut-ely kick ass!
anyway hope u guys like the fotos
its been a while since i added sum photos up.

cheerio my lil darlings

the russians r coming 2 get u,
marly

2005-06-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh! being crushed!!!!!!!

2005-06-20T22:49:00.001+08:00

haha just mucking around. no we aint an item.

2005-06-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

me and hari

2005-06-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

me and pierre, and nico with his pimping glasses

summer loving

2005-06-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

SUMMER IS HERE
about fucking time
have hols until aug 15!
AWESOMENESS!

heres a few pics frm today
hung out at holland v.
with pierre, nico, antony, kirstie and hari

cant feel my nose. MEIN NASE TUT WEH!

2005-06-12T14:45:00.000+08:00

another weekend of boozing, smoking and having a few laughs.
i could get used 2 this.
but it bums me out the next day cos i get sooo tired
had a fucking fantastic time again though
usual drinking grp with kirstin involved.
ppl r so terribly lovable and amusing when both parties r drunk
except 4 aussie footbal players hu tell me i need a personality and talk abt racks and use the word "beautiful" and "THAT ONE" when referring to. its fucking annoying cos i am a person, a "she" would be better than a "that one" but whatever.

so last week of skool is arnd the corner.
then summer comes
and off to california, ill b whisked away.
part of me cant wait 2 go and another part kinda just wants 2 spend summer wasting arnd in the squalid parts of singapore, if there r any.

anyway kirstin sent me this page.

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/b.harbison1/argos.htm
take a look at it.

its of a burberry, gold plated condom
comes in mangky flavours like onions and cheese and all.
fucking absurd....
i just had 2 pass it on.

time 2 crawl back in to bed
in my mom's silk sheets
and just sleep this pathetic excuse 4 sunday away.

rituals of sex and the city and green tea ice cream,
marly

swiss ninjas

2005-06-05T09:48:00.000+08:00

The rockage concert was last nite
I ended up skipping it cos it was so bad
and me, kirstie, lisa,sofia,nico,dutch chris, anthony and sameer went down 2 clarke quay
hahah god me and kirstie got so fucking drunk on all this vodka and whisky and coke
lol i cant actually remember what happened all last nite really but i remember making out with sum guy, being carried up stair cases and like being taken home in a cab and like talking abt ninjas with my dad...lol
kirstie and me like went in2 my room and abt 1 am we went arnd looking 4 ham and cheese and crappy bread. we ended up throwing the cheese on the walls and ceilings with the ham and then we made a sandwich and threw it out the balcony. it was so funny.
oh and we called so many people
i think i had like a conversation with robbie abt swiss people.
but i dunno 4 sure.
anyway it was fucking wild.
pity i cant remember the entire nite....
id really have liked to.
lol oh well. pics frm sophie kenny's party will b up

the swiss ninjas r coming,
marly

i see dead moose.

2005-05-29T20:35:00.000+08:00

Well had a pretty awesome week.
Me, kirstie, kirstin and sam stalked rooster.
we got chased out by security,
sweared at by our taxi driver,
almost run down by oncoming traffic while running frm security,
went on TV,
snuck out at 12.30 and stayed until 3 am at kirstie's house just talking
and watching kai chew on leaves. lol.

i hate how guys get all clingy on u
its like impossible 2 have guy frens tt r totally platonic unless they r either gay or just taken
but even when they r taken, the fact tt they have single female frenz is like just a bad mix.
knowing a guy fren likes u in a way a guy fren shdnt ruins alot of things.
in fact it ruins almost everything....

enuf abt that
i really dont wanna think or talk abt it
went 2 c star wars again
haha danial dont kill me yet! i still mite watch it with u a 3rd time cos i still laughed at the "Anikin, ur breaking my heart" bit...
that line never grows old.
lol yes so danial, my little harajuku girl, ill still catch it with ya if u want. and i will control myself.
i wont burst out laughing or bug obese balding guys behind me. ill be good, i promise/
:D

anyway skool 2morrow.
hate music periods in the morning.
i see red shoes....
freaky deaky man.

i was having a near death experience this week wth sam
when she yelled "fuck!"
an old man asked what was wrong,
i told him i saw moose,
maly

cigarettes, bubble guns and dissers.

2005-05-24T17:23:00.000+08:00

guten aloha young pedawans!
star wars craze it is...
i saw it
fell asleep in the big fight scene.
it sucks big time my little pedawans.
i laughed so hard at some of the shit though
and then i fell asleep
oh well.

my dissers r back!
haha y do i always get the dumb, dumber and dumberER dissers?!
i mean seriously, cant god send me at least ONE INTELLIGENT or DECENT disser?
i mean at least let them be able to spell dammit!
haha anyway many thanks to "passer by" for making me laugh so hard i cried.
ur few mins of entertainment and amusement was much appreciated and well received.

so anyway we spent the weekend, smoking 10 cigarettes a day and playing with bubble guns. oh yes. how cool r we? we're the epitome of cool dammit.
we blew bubbles into the road of oncoming traffic in front of lil kids hu ran 2 pop em'
hahaha it was funny.
and highly entertaining. their moms freaked out though.
it was so funny.
and we asked random malay gangsta ppl 2 b our harujuku girls..
they didnt seem 2 happy at the request...wonder y....
so if u'd like 2 b our harujuku girl pls lemme noe asap.
japanese ppl r preferable.
but we accpet any races.
oui oui.
BTW, MY PARTY IS POSTPONED 2 JUNE HOLS.

lung cancer, soapy hair and amusing stupid people,
marly

2005-05-21T19:36:00.000+08:00

too hardcore even 4 me 2 handle kirstin!

2005-05-21T19:35:00.000+08:00

im a lean mean bubble machine!

2005-05-21T19:33:00.001+08:00

my admirer at orange julius

2005-05-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

my admirers at burger king...

2005-05-21T19:32:00.000+08:00

im so talented.... says kirstin.

2005-05-21T19:28:00.000+08:00

me and kirstin spend too much time at the pet shop

2005-05-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

IM SUCH A PIMP!

2005-05-21T19:27:00.001+08:00

DOGGY!\

2005-05-21T19:27:00.000+08:00

we got caught in the rain...dont ask

2005-05-21T19:26:00.001+08:00

smoking cures all depressions

2005-05-21T19:26:00.000+08:00

getting a light

2005-05-21T19:12:00.000+08:00

bubbles.......

2005-05-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

mwahahaha! fear the wrath of my bubbly goodness

2005-05-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

oooo look at me! im so grown up and damned mature! I DANCE 2 SAILER MOON! FUCK U!

2005-05-21T19:09:00.000+08:00

nicotine goodness

Rake sucker

2005-05-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

Im having one of those weeks
Where u want a relationship
well I want a boyfren
no, u people hu noe me, do not freak out
im still marlene
uwcsea hasnt done anything 2 me
except maybe piss me off at its juvenility.
i dunno i just realized that 2dae when i was sitting with kirstin at lunch
i began 2 really pine for sum physical contact
not in a sexual way
but in a way like i wanted 2 b held
and hugged and 2 b told " i love u"
but then after i thot abt all the times i had that
i grew disgusted again
cos u noe me. i run when i hear "i love u"
let alone id never dream to let those words pass thru my lips
but maybe its cos of the numerous bitching sessions going on in my set
the number of girls u hear "OMG SHES SOOOO FAT" when they come into the bathroom
or the number of people that gush abt this week's party
when u noe that come tuesday the party will be last yr's news.
yes its days like these that make me want a designated special sum1 hu will not ditch parties 2gether with me or not be invited 2 sumthing 2gether with me or just sit in silence holding me. but then i revert 2 myself and repent 4 being so idealistic and so teenagery.

its a thing
a thing-thing.
oh shut up. dont gimme that look. im not turning in2 a sap.

u suck rakes,
marly

2005-05-14T22:22:00.001+08:00

me and kirstin stood outside the window and vibrated with this dog.